by

4:50pm, 6th January, 2017

386
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2 mins

Dear Anxiety,

I don’t exactly remember when I got introduced to you. I imagine it would have been a fragile moment in childhood, you passed by, stared at me and whispered, ‘Hey, I like this one.’ You crawled your way back and giggled and then, like a ghost, you lingered; followed me to every inch and corner of the world I touched. Were you little too when you met me first? I don’t think so. Rather you were youthful – vigorous and dedicated.

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As I grew up till my teenage, I felt for a while that you were gone. Or maybe I found no time to notice if you were even there or not. All for good. And, I didn’t miss you at all. Trust me I didn’t. And then one day after I stepped into the construct of adulthood, you find me in a lonely dark corner and whisper again, ‘How have you been dear friend?’

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I feel your presence. But you have changed, just like I did. While I became more vulnerable, you became more aggressive and brutal. You were no more a ghost who would follow me anymore. You were inside me. Or maybe I was inside you. Either Former or latter, it was not as pleasurable as it is usually when people are inside each other. Taking it to the next level, you became a master. You whipped me, edged me and laughed, seeing me in the pain you induced.

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Your laughter – unheard and unknown by others – still echoes in my head when I find myself alone. I secretly mumble prayers to not to find you again at the next corner I turn to. But there you are – smart, sharp and evil. Maybe we have tried avoiding each other way too much. At least I have. Will it be any better if I don’t? If I confront you and shake hands. Will you be any gentler?

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Let’s try it again and this time, I will embrace you. Accept you as me. And maybe then, it will all work out. All for good.

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